Sometimes, I wake up, and I don’t know how to adult.
I’m a 27-year-old woman with a decent career and a decent enough life, but when I look at others, they all just seem to have their lives figured out.
When I was a kid, looking back, anyone out of high school seemed to have it all planned out and looked like they kept their head down and just went through it. It seemed like they had their plans and were simply executing them straight after high school. You know, go to college, find a great job, buy/live in their own place, marry, have kids, and so it goes on. Boy, is that so NOT what happens, lol.
I remember being in grade 10 or 11 when they asked us to choose a career. Thinking back, we were literally just kids. My frontal lobe only fully developed about two years ago, and they wanted me to have it all figured out at between 16 and 18 years of age? Crazy talk, honestly.
I have been more confused about who I am in my 20s than I was as a teenager. I have always had it swapped around as 20s being the best years of your life, and in a sense, sure. It’s pretty great, all the freedom to experiment, and figure yourself out, but honestly, also the WORST time of my life. All the self-growth? Inner reflections? All this hard work finding myself? It’s EXHAUSTING and IT. IS. SO. UNCOMFORTABLE. Facing the truth is one fo the hardest things I’ve had to learn how to do.
love.
Two years ago, so when I was 25, I broke up with my long-term boyfriend of eight years. We were high school sweethearts, and then we weren’t. Even though I was the one to make the decision, it still hurt. By then we were living together for about a year. It really was a great year but also the year I learned more about myself, and my partner, than ever before.
Unfortunately, we discovered we both had different goals. Yeah, most people probably talk about their goals and lives together, and we did. But in reality, we were still both just kids straight out of high school, not really putting in 100% effort to figure out ourselves, as individuals. We talked a lot about where we were going to live one day and kids, and what not.
I don’t know when specifically the realization hit me that it just isn’t going to be the life I want for myself or the one I can envision myself in.
Transitioning from this long-term relationship to being alone was hard. For a few months, I felt so depressed, and my anxiety was at an all-time high. I moved to a new suburb where the only people I knew were my parents. I am so thankful for them, as I don’t know if I would have made it without their love and support. Even just being able to hang out with them in person was/is a blessing.
The first month I just focused on settling into my new place. Kind of scary living on your own for the first bit if I am honest. It felt like I was taking care of someone else’s place. A year and half-ish now in, it still feels like that. Though I do love my place and it is starting to feel like home 🙂
being alone.
The biggest thing that made me anxious, sad, and depressed was all this alone time. Yeah, sure, a big part of breaking things off with my partner was all the time he spent working, so in a sense, I was used to it, but he obviously always came home eventually. Now I had to sit with the quiet for long periods at a time.
So, naturally, I signed up for the gym. I’ve always been big on working out or just taking care of myself in general, but this time, I went to the gym just to escape the quiet. I gymed for two to three hours every day (still do lol) but I was so sore and unhappy, but still, I went every day. Thinking back, it almost felt like I was punishing myself for breaking up with a good person, but in reality, it was just another escape.
During this time of “quiet”, I remember BEGGING the universe for some friends. Never thought I would get that, but here we are. I am hitting you with the age-old cliché, “Good things take time.” Now, don’t get me wrong, my friends only started popping up as my self-confidence started growing. Before this, I never spoke to anyone at the gym or anywhere else, tbh. I have severe social anxiety, still do, I just hide it so much better and the confidence (mentally and physically) made a HUGE difference.
Other things I did to “hide” from the silence and anxiety, I read. I read over 140 books in 2023. Straight after the breakup around 2022, it was tough, but 2023 I feel like was when the REAL depression/work began. I binge-read so many fantasy books just to feel like I can give my overthinking brain a bit of a breather. I more or less got addicted to escaping.
When books weren’t hitting right anymore, I started vaping cannabis. I called it my happy stick (still do lol). I also relied on edibles. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy those things, but I feel like back then, I used them to escape, which was me avoiding growth. I am now in a space where I don’t rely on them anymore, though they’re not out of my life. I learned to balance.
dating apps.
Next up, dating apps. I absolutely DESPISE them. Before now, I have never fiddled around on those. I don’t like them as they make me feel like an object being showcased to a bunch of other people and in some way that made me feel cheap? The amount of times I have been ghosted is insane. Dating culture is truly horrifying these days, but the biggest thing of all is everyone going on about “good communication is key” but I’ve learned to know that that is often a red flag, as whoever is saying that, is usually the ghoster *cue looking into the camera like in The Office*
I will always be uncomfortable for a few minutes to tell someone I am not interested, than just leave without saying a word. I will truly never understand how dating works these days. Trully horrific lmfao
Side note, I have installed and deleted these apps MANY TIMES over the past two years but I think I have officially gotten rid of that need for the apps and am just trying to go through life, and if I meet my person organically, perfect. If I don’t, I don’t stress about it. What will be will be (yeah I know, I sound annoying with the clichés but unfortunately, they are clichés because they are true).
where am I now?
Now, almost two years later, I’ve lost over 22kg, learned so much about what I like and what I don’t like, and I’ve met amazing people 🙂 I am still not at my goal weight, I also still haven’t 100% figured out who I am as a person, but I am so much more confident, healthier, and happier.
I feel like I have a lot more confidence so this year I am truly working on putting myself out there and trying new things. Want to hear a secret? I am having a blast!
Also, another secret: I LOVE being alone. I get to do whatever I want and I find it easier and easier to not rely on others if I want to do something. It’s so freeing.
my advice.
I am not saying I regret my eight year relationship, but if I could give some advice, be single for as long as you can. Date around (or not), and really explore yourself because figuring out who you are starting at 27 is a little bit harder, IMO. While figuring my sh*t out, I also feel like time is constantly running out (it really isn’t).
And if you’re like me, a 20-something-year-old figuring her(or his) sh*t out, that’s okay too. I know it sounds contradictory to everything I shared above, but I have never been happier 🙂
In the last two years of my self-discovery journey, I have made some of the BEST friends of my life, literally the sweetest souls. Every single one of them feels like they know me completely. If I never took myself out of my relationship, I would never have met them, I feel this in my gut. I am not saying you can’t do this if you’re in a loving, long-term relationship. My sh*t just worked out differently and yours will too.
final two cents.
(It really is just two cents, adulting is expensive brooo)
I am a 27 year old woman, with a decent career and a decent enough life, but I should stop looking at others, because nobody really has their lives figured out.
Don’t look at others; it will only make your journey feel harder than it needs to be. I guarantee every single other “adult” is faking it and probably has the same thoughts and feelings as you right now. So take it easy, life’s a game, not a challenge, so try to enjoy every level 🙂
So if you’re in your 20s, heck, if you’re still in high school and you’re scared of “what comes after”, you are not alone. There are thousands, probably millions, of other people out there feeling the exact same thoughts, doing the exact same things every day just to one day “figure themselves out”. But one thing I’ve come to learn (and am still trying to learn), it will all work out, and you’ll be fine.
All these inner reflections and alone time have really made me value just being human and being alive. The world is so beautiful, and the people in it are amazing. You’ll carve out your journey, and you’ll find your people along the way. Just simply be.
Some tips (and a few things that I feel has majorly helped me):
- Read fantasy books – you don’t always have to be in reality, escape now and again. This is also amazing to strengthen your imagination.
- Read self help books – I used to HATE them, now I ADORE them because I get to work on myself and I value that so much.
- Do one new thing every week. Even if it’s a quick walk around the block by yourself, soon, it will increase and it will not be a challenge anymore.
- Don’t focus on anyone else’s journey but your own.
- Laugh as much as possible.
- Watch YouTube videos – I also used to hate YouTube videos cause I thought it was a bunch of crap that waste my time. Not true, best place to hear other people’s experiences and perspectives. Do me a favour and also go look at “Diary of a CEO“.
- Don’t be afraid to love and FEEL. So many people think it’s cool to not show emotion or vulnerability. We’re human, experience all the emotions, even the sadness. It’s good for you 🙂
- Walk up to strangers and give them a compliment, it’s how I’ve met all my friends. We all look mean, but when they light up with a smile, it’s the best thing in the world.
- If you’re fortunate enough to have them, love your parents and make more time for them. They love you so much.
- Last but not least, CHILL OUT, TAKE A BREATH, you’ll be fine. Enjoy being alive ⭐
Until next time,
the rambling gemini.